Should These Pitches Be Ditched? Part2

So I made an earlier post where I shared elevator pitches (or my attempt at them) for my three novels. It was part of an English course assignment. Now that course requires us to “repurpose” or rework content we already shared now that we’ve been given feedback. So I decided to work with my pitches a bit more. I even added a new one for the piece I’m currently writing. As before, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section and let me know if these pitches are better or worse!

Book 1

When seventeen-year-old Patrick Walker’s biggest secret is threatened to be exposed he shuns his friends and embraces his anger. For him, his worst possible fate isn’t that his father physically abuses him, but the thought that someone might actually find out. As the evidence mounts his secret becomes less safe, but Patrick won’t accept help, even though it means turning away a girl he could really love. He deals with the pain in dangerous ways, but his real struggle isn’t in knowing how to take a beating, but in finding the strength to share the truth.

Book 2

Maddie Carlisle, a high school senior and member of the in-crowd elite, is forced to confront the consequences of her decisions and the reality of her life when outspoken, eighteen-year-old Cameron Dawson moves in next door, covered in bruises and carrying more secrets than luggage. As their relationship forms she realizes he might be the person to help her change back into the person she wants to be, not the person she’s told to be.  However, their relationship is tested by Maddie’s controlling friends, her emotionally-abusive parents, and even Maddie herself. When Cameron’s dark past threatens to tear him apart, she realizes she not only needs to change for herself, but for Cameron too.

Book 3

Seventeen-year-old Ezra Winchester has gone from high school Junior and winning track star, to orphan and teenage millionaire within weeks. Now he’s a hostage, but he isn’t the only one. The group of teens is forced into a battle for survival where both their mental and physical strength is tested. In between the recurring beatings and emotional traumas, Ezra discovers there are secrets at work that could change everything, and he has to decide which is more important-freedom or justice?

WIP YA Novella

When eighteen-year-old Oliver Reid’s girlfriend dies and mysteriously appears as a ghost, he embraces the haunting, disregards the impossible, and sets out on mission to put the love of his life back together again. Along the way he meets a snarky psychic who has uncomfortable visions about Oliver’s ghostly girlfriend, a headstrong Necromancer with a grudge against lovesick soul mates, and a posh Reaper who could care less about the mundane life of humans, unless a little soul-stealing is involved. Together they can gather all the parts needed to reanimate Lana in her body once more. It will only take a little grave robbing, a sexy zombie encounter, a roundtrip tour through the other side and back, and a bloody touch of murder, but hey, love conquers all, right?

My critiques of myself? I’d say they’re probably still too long, even though we were given a 3-4 sentence boundary. I think they read like jacket summaries, and I’m not sure that’s the point here. Maybe they give away too much information about the plot when I could have been vague. I think there’s always room to learn though so let me know your thoughts and advice.

Do these pitches make you want to read more? What are their faults and strengths? Share your honest opinions in the comments below!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Should These Pitches Be Ditched? Part2

  1. I agree that you could shorten these up a bit more, but on the whole I thought they were good teasers.

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